Balance of being a "good" mom.

This topic has been on my mind lately, and apparently others as well because I have seen other people write about it too recently. It's important to talk about!

Sometimes I feel guilty at the end of the day, like I wasn't a "good" mom to Norah, for various reasons...I didn't play with her enough, I forgot to pray with her over lunch, I was too preoccupied with other things, she cried too much so I must not have met her needs well, etc. There are so many reasons why I could feel that way, and I don't think it's necessarily good.

Yes, it's good to reflect and contemplate how you are doing and make changes to your behaviors/attitudes as needed. For instance, this last week I have found myself inwardly complaining about my days. We recently read about traps that the SAHM can fall into in our devotional, and it hit home. One of the traps was self-pity. Recently, I have felt very confined to our house, mainly because all three of us got the flu over christmas and we had to miss a planned trip. It's also been very cold and we have gotten lots of snow, so I've felt stuck inside when I just want to go for a stroller walk and swing at the park. I was definitely feeling a lack of adult interaction.

I don't want to be like that, and it saddens me that I was. Even if I don't say what I'm thinking out loud, I think Norah picks up on it. She is so curious and intuitive, and she is bound to realize if Mama isn't happy. To type that almost brings tears to my eyes, because I want Norah to be confident in that she has a happy mom, who trusts in the Lord for her contentment, who chooses to see the positive instead of the negative. 

I talked to Kley about it yesterday, and it was good to get it out in the air. I always feel better just talking about it. It's like a weight was lifted, I realized my negative thought patterns over the last week or so, and I prayed about it and thanked God for my circumstances instead of complained to myself.

It's amazing how many times you realize there is a problem in your life, and once the realization hits, you remember how little, or even at all, you have brought the problem to God. I wish I could say that I have mastered that, but I have not. I still fail and will continue to, for I am a sinner, but the biggest gift/lesson I ever want to give Norah is JESUS. I want her to see that she has a mom (and dad) who prays, reads their Bible, and talks about what God is doing in their life in front of her and to her. I want Norah to see that when I make mistakes, I will admit them to her and ask for forgiveness. I want Norah to see that when she is sad or in trouble, we pray about it. I want Norah to see that when a friend is in trouble, we help them and encourage however we can.

Norah is a sponge and is absorbing so much. From me. From Kley. I want her to be absorbing the right things.

So, I don't want to end my days feeling guilty that I wasn't a "good" mom sometimes, because being a good mom means so many things. While I fail daily, I am a good mom because God made me a mom and He gave me Norah, and I will try my best to teach her in His ways. Yes, it's good to think about what I did wrong or would like to do differently tomorrow, but I don't want to think that I am not a good mom. I am a good mom who can sometimes do better. Would I ever tell Norah that she wasn't a good daughter? Absolutely not. She is my daughter and that means so much. I will never stop loving her or think less of her, because she is so valued, beautiful, and priceless to me. There will be times, though, when she needs to fix something or do better at something, but that doesn't mean that she is not a good daughter.

While it's so important to spend quality time with Norah each day- to get on the floor, look her in the eyes, hug her, play with her toys, tell her how much I love her- I can't give her my undivided attention all day. While I may want to give her the world because of my relentless love for her, that's not even healthy because she can't have the world and the world is not about her. We were created to love God and love people. It's important to love yourself too, but I don't want Norah to think that she is the center or that it revolves around her. I want her to learn from a very young age how important it is to honor others and treat them with kindness above yourself.

Everyday, I want to play with Norah with my full attention, to invest in her and tell her how loved she is, but I also want Norah to learn other things as well. It's important for Norah to know that sometimes she goes to Grandpa and Gramie's house because dad and mom need to spend time together. Sometimes I call my friends because having encouraging, Godly friendships is life-giving and brings community. Sometimes I can't pick her up immediately because I'm stirring hot food on the stove, and I want Norah to learn patience. Sometimes I clean the house and Norah has to watch/trail behind me because taking care of our material blessings shows responsibility and good stewardship. Sometimes I exercise and Norah has to play alone because taking care of your body is healthy. Sometimes daddy plays with Norah while mom has alone time because it's important to refuel. Sometimes we have to run errands all afternoon because there are things that have to get done. I want Norah to learn patience, kindness, responsibility, good stewardship, love, time management, and balance, among many other things. Most importantly, I want Norah to see me spend time with Jesus and to spend time with Him together and as a family.

It's all about balance, and I pray that God would help me balance my life in a way that honors Him, blesses others, and teaches Norah about the most important, eternal things.